Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Mormolocind

A fost una din acele zile in care mormolocesti de cand deschizi ochii. Normal, toata lumea a mormolocit azi... Cum poti sa nu faci asta?

De la 9 dimineata, cu un frig de sfarsitul lui Octombrie te duci la colega ta si petreci doua ore si jumatete cu o problema de tipologie, ca doar i-ai promis. Mormolocesti tipologie.

La 12 te imbraci frumos si incalti pantofii cei noi. Chiar nu va ploua. iti faci abonament la RATUC inainte sa vina autobuzul cu 10 minute. Chiar n-ai cum sa-l pierzi. Pacat ca doamna de la abonamente nu are sa-ti dea rest de la 50 RON si trebuie sa te plimbi in cartier pana la ultima benzinarie sa-i schimbe. Picura... poate totusi va ploua. Mormolocesti fugind dupa 43.

La 14 te intalnesti cu doi prieteni, sa-ti dai seama ca intalnirea nu avea nici un scop. Unul are examen in mai putin de 2 ore si celalat e in mica pauza de la servici. Zambesti oricum, iti place compania lor si iti ridica moralul incredibil. Ne-am intalnit sa stam la cafea si Cola [Pepsi], nu? Pacat ca tu ceri frisca la cafeaua cu lapte. Frisca e doar pentru inghetata.

Ai o jumatate de ora libera. Suficient si bine venita pentru niste cumparaturi. Pacat ca e frig si ud si tot ce gasesti sunt haine de vara la reducere. Mormolocesti si asta.

La 16 intalnire la Qual Design. Iti salveaza ziua din marea mormoloceala, e chiar satisfacator. Pacat ca trebuie sa parcurgi prea multe strazi prin ploaie pentru un taxi spre birou. Ai ajuns deja in statie si pantofii cei noi fac fata bine inundatiilor.

Ai o dupa-masa cu picioare ude, la birou. Tremuri cu un ceai langa tine in timp ce te gandesti la agenda cu multe task-uri. Pacat ca e 19:30 deja. Ziua e mormolocita inevitabil si raceala te ameninta.

Iris - Omul care-mi aduce ploaia

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Fine... and a little unwell

I don't like at all the silence before the storm. You just sit there... waiting for something big, good or bad to happen. I can simply feel it... It is so dam calm and quiet and threatening.

This week I have nothing else to do but work and study. End of August, the city is still empty and in about 2-3 weeks old and news students start to come back. I always found it so sad and unfair that they all leave and let the city empty during the summer. What happends with us, born here?

Then at the end of September... BOOM! Everybody wants everything from me and I want everything from life:
keep my boss happy with the sales
perfectly running new export company run mostly by myself

attend to all the courses in school I want

take the best time I can in AIESEC
start German classes

go to the gym everyday

go to every new play at the theatre

Last year I said I can do it, no problem. Only half of these happened. Now I say I want to do it and I'm afraid.


Matchbox 20 - Unwell

Friday, August 25, 2006

About loneliness and solitude

I have written before about loneliness and solitude. That they are so different. You cannot fight loneliness, it is there and I personally don't think it just disappears at some point. It will never go away. I was reading that "Solitude is something you choose. Loneliness is imposed on you by others." and that "Solitude restores body and mind. Lonelinesss depletes them."

Then tonight the questions hit me... What happends with the people that are both lonely and alone, in the same? Of course that lonely people don't like and don't want to stay alone, because it will only agravate their feeling. What if it happends, and they are alone some days? Or are all lonely people so carefull not to stay alone at all? I don't think that something worse than this can happen to somebody, not even death or any failure.


Leonard Cohen - A singer must die

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Music...

I couldn't have said it better right now...

<All of a sudden that song you hear, whether you're the composer or not, will sweep that away. Music has that amazing power. It puts you in a place where nothing that currently matters, matters."

The idea of suspending time through immersion in the moment, pulses through "The Last Goodbye," where the singer expresses the desire to merge with her beloved for eternity. "Let's just live here in the moment, sharing something real because anything else is wasted time / Just let me grow old, here by your side, until the end of time, til the last goodbye."

"Instinct, music, inspiration, food, when you taste something and it's beyond words, love, a kiss, making love, suspending moments make life worthy of living," these are the elements of Lara Fabian's aesthetic and philosophy. "Basically, it makes it worth the fall, the fall from I don't know where. We all have the feeling we don't belong. We all have the feeling, 'What is this? What are we going through? Do we live? And in which world?' What kind of relationships do we really have?' We all question ourselves in this way. So these suspensions--the moments where we truly grasp the essence and we taste life and we enjoy it in the deepest way--make it worth being where we are.">>

We live then for these suspentions, for little moments. These are all that matter. I always knew this, but I often forget. Too often, as most of us.

http://www.larafabian.com/

Sunday, August 20, 2006

9 days in Germany

I am back home, a little tired and I had almost 3 full weeks only with rain. When I left from Cluj it was raining for one week and when I got to Frankfurt it started to rain, and it was like this all the 9 day I was there. I would never have believed I'd miss home so badly, because I enjoy traveling and never knew what home sick means.

The country is wonderful, each day was full and I have done a lot of things. At least my work agenda has now high goals and lots of tasks. Shortly...

  • I had the first flight in my life. I can say I don't like flying, I felt like my head is going to explode while taking of and landing, but the actual flight was great and I love to watch the clouds when the Sun is shining. I realized now that I love my town and my country, I had an unexpected big grin on my face when I checked out last night in Cluj/Napoca
  • I met the client I knew until know just by e-mail and phone. Great person, going through a lot in the past months. He has hundreds of pictures in albums with his 10 years old son, each with a comment, with the tickets from cinema, museums or anywhere they have been together. Has loads of cooking books, good music and small pigs figurines collection :)
  • I met a 23 years old girl, working for him. I admire her for the power she has. She was unemployed for about 2 years while going to a lot of interviews. Now she is in training period and learning. She moved from her town, left there all her friends, family, a music band she was singing in to follow the one she loves. They now broke up.
  • I woke up at 6:30 almost every day and I had for the first time in my life 3 big meals per day at the same hours :) I think I would put some weight if I would stay a little more. I learned how to make Champions with cheese, and French pie
  • I received a lot of presents and samples from potential customers I visited. I went with a 10,5 kgs luggage and returned with 2, total of 25 kgs
  • I had dinner in a whisky restaurant next to a castle ruins and in a beautiful Chinese restaurant
  • I missed somebody badly everyday
Melanie C - First day of my life

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Here I go again...

I am leaving to Germany tomorrow. Funny how I should be excited as I have only been to Istanbul and Budapest until now and I have always wanted to afford traveling a lot. I know though that this trip will be everything from professionally challenging, to fun and relaxing. I will also fly for the first time in my life.

I am leaving although I don't feel anything like wanting to go. Listening to Macy Gray and no other music can be better now.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I was supposed to be part of your bohemian life

You just sit here next to me with the sun on your face. I always liked your long and messy hair, your delicate hands, serious face and your silly glasses.

With your script for the next play, just reading. I see that this is all you ever wanted from life and that the stage is your only world. I was supposed to be part of your bohemian life and you were supposed to know everything I love and fear. I see that it was meant for us to never meet and I am just a stranger on a bus.

This is the first time I see you and I have no clue about your name. You are to busy looking through the UK scholarship application form, so you didn't even notice I am here. We didn't meet when we were supposed to, two years ago. Probably it was raining that day and I refused to go out. Or you lost yourself in a big dusty book and didn't go out of the house for two days. Or maybe... we just walked across each other in a Thursday night at the theatre.

OK then, just go. Step out. I promise to be there in the audience one night.


Cyndi Lauper - "True Colors"

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Overheard in Cluj

I found a really interesting project run by some people in Romania after an international model. Overheard in Romania. We all hear funny conversations on the way to our daily activities. As I spend a lot of time on the bus and walking in Cluj, I cannot do anything else but support this project :D Overheard in Cluj

Here is one I heard yesterday on my way to the office, on the bus 43. I will write it in Romanian as some words translated loose their meaning:

Lady 1: Am auzit ca v-ati vandut casa la un pret foarte bun. Niste oameni inteligenti sunteti...
Lady 2
: da... dar stii ce cred eu despre inteligenta? Inteligenta e 90% noroc si 10% prostie"

Lady 1: [razand] Cam asa ceva...
Lady 2: Eu nu sunt o fire inteligenta
Lady 1:
Da de unde, stii ca nu e adevarat... Chiar esti!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Summer feelings

I am in my office. Friday night and I have just stopped working. Sometimes I just think that it is not normal and ok to leave home earlier. That if I want to achieve my goals I should work my ass off. That the vacation in August is not normal and people should work at the same level. That if I do nothing one day I am at no use to humankind.

I just hate that starting with October I cannot be fully in one place. I will have to split everything in 4: AIESEC, school, job and personal life. I want so badly to be equally the best in these 4. I don't want one to be more important than the other. I hope I will never have to choose and that I will never disappoint. I don't want to. This is not a concern, it is just a small threat.

Until now I sacrificed two of them favor of the other two. During this time of the year I usually think I found the right answer... were the balance is and how to achieve it" During this time of the year I usually say "Now I know, starting this autumn it's going to be different." Of course it didn't happen in the past 2 years.

But now it is not the same feeling. I don't feel I know the answer and I don't want an answer. I just know that I am more positive and self confident that never. Answers about the future, don't matter.

U2 - Walk on

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

August

The heat must have affected my brain. I simply refuse to work and nobody can force me. Afterall I am my own boss. I am listening to Marcus Viana - El Miraje. What can be worse than this? :D