I believe in shooting stars
A year ago today a dear friend wrote me one last e-mail. It didn't sound as a "goodbye" e-mail. Just a normal one, but I never heard back from this person ever since.
"I prefer the idea of you being some kind of a shooting star, brightening up my life for a short and intense moment, and disappearing just as quickly as you came - leaving some turbulent memories." and it ended: "Alright then. Go for it. Shine on my Star." This last Saturday night, while being in the mountains, so up and close to the sky, I saw a shooting star. The sky was gorgeous like only during this time in the summer can be. I know that "they" say you have to make a wish and keep it for yourself so that the wish come true. I didn't make a wish. Just smiled and said to myself that I can hope even stronger. I have stars marking endings and I have this star marking a beginning. They are all true, no matter what, and I believe in them. I believe in shooting stars.
Peachy times
The best peaches in the world... [well at least in Cluj, cause I haven't tried peaches in other parts of the world] You can find them at the last tram and troley station in Manastur. I buy them every summer, really often, on my way to the office.
I guess these will always remind me about my first job ever, about long office days, about Cluj and summer.
Funny life?
New business in Cluj, just me and another person. The company exists since June, and of course, we are on loss. This morning I am leaving to Racatau for one of the most important conferences in AIESEC Cluj-Napoca, Local Planning Meeting [LPM].
I will be back just on Tuesday night, so I wrote to my main customer that I will be out of town and only can be reached by phone. He wrote me at 11 PM: "Please try to reach me by phone asap", so I called him. He sounded like never before, tired and babbling something half in German have in English. Actually he had catastrophic problems on all plans in his life, including closing one company because of great financial problems, divorcing and loosing lots of money. He was so tired that he repeated the same thing at least 5 times during the phone call: "I have lost 20 kgs in 8 weeks, I have 3 doctors watching me personally. My body is so weak, but my mind is clear as never before in my entire life. Now I know what I was doing wrong. I have it all cleared out and put it on paper. You have to come over and see it. I started to write a book, now I know. It is a fresh new beginning, I am 53 and have a sick body but I feel like 23. My mind is so clear now."
I couldn't really say to much. I am just thinking now that I want even more to be a better person. That if somebody like him went through hell and it is able to walk on, why wouldn't somebody who is 20 and healthy do the same? I decided I will start right with this conference, right with a person that I have strong resentments for. I need to forgive that person and walk on. I will change my attitude towards some people. This is the only way to become a better person, with the people next to you.
It is good that they cannot read this, as we are all leaving in 6 hours from now. I wonder if anybody would notice this, If I can really do it?
While cleaning the closet
I took out everything from the closet, for two main reasons: find all my white cloths [AIESEC purposes :) ] and get rid of everything I don't use anymore.
Some interesting things I re-discovered and haven't wore them in long long time:
- one Kurt Cobain T-shirt [yeah yeah I used to be a fan]
- one tiny Britney Spears type skirt [like the one in the Baby one more time video]
- huge yellow pijama
Etilmeme
I spent nearly 4 hours tonight with Ioana. I haven't seen her in the past year at all, with no explanation as we are both in Cluj all the time. Actually we have quite a strange story...
You sure know that you can simply connect with some people, without really knowing that person to well. You just have "that feeling" that it is "your kind of person", that is somebody who can see the real you without too much time spent together.
We were highschool colleagues for 2 years, but until right before graduation all our conversations were reduced to: "hello, how are you?" Something happened before graduation and we started discussing, spending lunch brakes together... We have seen each other twice in two years. Today we have decided that it will be dam more from now on.
We are going in Salsa next week on Saturday :D
Change # 1
I have just decided I want to be a better person. Not for anybody else, because all the people that know me think I am a very good person. A better person for myself, so I have a happy, joyful, REAL life. I have to learn how to forgive, and not just please. This is the one thing I never knew. I have to learn how to forget and move on.
I woke up with this stupid smile on my face :) I have to change something in my attitude towards people. It is the first time in my life that I decide to take a new beginning. Everything until now was a big piece of me, a big piece of life. Now it's time for a new me. Nothing forced, planned or manufactured.
PS: photo is just close to my "silly smile"
That Day
Today was the day when I woke up at 7:30 and listened to The Cranberries while having breakfast and coffee.
That day when I walked in the city with a Polish guy, to find cartridges for the two printers in the office. Did this for two hours, while watching a Romanian employee working: polishing her nails then playing Solitaire while her colleague did everything from re-filling out cartridges to writing the invoice.
Today was the day when I had my hands full of blue ink, and flirting will a tall handsome guy on the corridors of a dorm in Hasdeu.
That day when I had a nice conversation in the bus station with a total stranger. About the weather, about the traffic, business of selling watermelon in Romania and about past times.
Today was the day when somebody confessed true feelings, that maybe few of us hear in a lifetime. And I said almost nothing.
Today... was that day.
I once was 20 and skinny
About one month ago I had lunch with with some people at the Hasdeu students cafeteria. There were a lot of students, we had to wait in the queue with the food tray in our hands, so we could pay for it. I found my tray quite heavy and we were joking that my arms muscles will hurt the day after. And they did!
For the ones who don't know me, besides coffee I also drink a lot of tea. I am coffee and tea fan in the same time. My parents recently bought me a HUGE tea cup. Besides the fact that it is lovely and the largest possible, it is also VERY HEAVY. I have to hold it with both hands. I must admit it is a pretty difficult exercise for me, every time I lift it up to drink.
My only comfort related to this: when I will be old and fat, with 11 kids [jaja laugh as much as you can] I will dream of how it was when I was 20 and skinny :)
10 things I hate about you
- I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
- I hate the way you drive my car.
- I hate it when you stare.
- I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind.
- I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.
- I hate the way you're always right.
- I hate it when you lie.
- I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
- I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
- But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
Who are "they" to say this?
They say that if you trully wish something with all your heart and soul, it should happen no matter what. That if the thing you wished for didn't happen, it was simply because you didn't wish for it strong enough. I used to strongly wish for great things. Nothing I ever wished with my hole being happened. Today I do not wish for anything, I only HOPE. I am just a humble human, how can I wish for anything? But hope is something a human being should never let go.
When you love and hate things
I normally wouldn't use "love" and "hate" in the same article, or even when they have nothing to do with romance. I absolutely think that "love" word it is to strong and valuable to be randomly used, and hate it is just not for me. I don't know what hate is... Yes anger, frustration, sadness or just not wanting to have anything to do with a person... but never hate. Of course this is another topic. I find myself quite often in moments that I strongly like or dislike, so to intensify the quality I just use love and hate words.
These are just the top things coming into my mind right now:
I absolutely love the smell of the fresh made coffee in the morning. It is my delight to read e-mails and news in the morning while having a big cup of coffee. Not to strong, with sugar... and only once a week with milk.
I love to wake up with the sun on my face, doesn't matter that it may blind me. It one of those "I am alive and I am happy" moments.
I love summer Sundays in the country side. I can just stay in bed late, with all the doors and windows open, listening to the cuckoo and church bells, grandmother spoiling me with a big breakfast.
I love morning plennaries with sleepy people in AIESEC conferences. It is the moment when because of few hours of sleeping, rushing to be in time, instead of my regular coffee I get a great conference chair [always] trying to be funny and wake us up.
***
I hate the smell of fresh cut grass. I always run fast when passing around a place where somebody is cutting the grass. It seems just like murder, and the smell of blood. I just close my eyes and hold my breath until I pass.
I hate the left side of the bus [don't laugh :D]. It actually started with "I don't like the left side of the bus", but it seems that every time I get a seat on the left side of the bus or of a car, always the best view is on the right side.
I hate ketchup and mustard. And when you use that together with pickles in a sandwich... just yucki. My face will turn green instantly. I guess that all the other 2 billion people buying these are sick, C'mon people am I the only one seeing this?
3 "Do not..." things about me
1. Do not consider me good, better, the best. I am not.
I know I might have done some things few have done at my age, but hey I am normal.
It doesn't mean that if I have a good job and managed for a long period to work on it, that I am good in everything and that you can ask my advise. Don't.
It doesn't mean that if I used to be really good in school, that I will never not pass an exam. I already failed 4 of them in 2 years. I feel awful and it's getting worse, but again.. hey I'm HUMAN.
2. Do not hide things from me just because you think you know me, and you are afraid of my reaction.
okay so I admit... I cannot accept people that lie to me, keep things from me... or at least for once they harmed me.
It doesn't mean that if you once harmed me and now we appear to be friends, I forgot and forgave. I haven't.
It doesn't mean that if today we joke and laugh as friends do, we are friends. Things will never be like they were at some point. We just have to accept this, joke and laugh as friends do, but we are not friends.
3. Do not avoid telling me the truth just because I am sensitive.
So the smallest thing can harm me, one tiny detail can torn me. You can disappoint me so easily and I will probably cry for that 2 weeks.
But this doesn't mean that you can avoid telling me something "for my own good" and that "she is getting upset". This will just lead us to point # 2.
If you are a friend, you will simply loose this position. If you are a boyfriend... of course we cannot be friends, just because my expectations were multiplied with one million.
Invisible people...
Everyday we pass along some people on the street and we walk on like they are not even there, like they are invisible. Same kids selling flowers in restaurants, same homeless people begging for a few cents. Nobody is doing nothing, nobody says Hi to them... although you we see them every single day. What kind of world are we living in?
In the past 1 year and a half, on my way to the office from the bus station I walk on a couple of alleys at around 10 a.m. In the same place there is this old lady, in front of the entrance of her block. Holding to a green natural fence, just sitting there and watching the people. I never said Hello, just because I don't know her. Most certainly she lives alone and today I was just thinking that there will come one day when she will not be there anymore. Who will care? Who will notice? Why can't we just say hello?
One life, one death...O singura viata, o singura moarte
My home monitor exploded, so no more sitting in front of the computer when I'm at home. As in the weekend the library is closed, I looked through my own books. I have a few books that for years I avoided reading...for the simple reason I didn't like the front cover. Like this one: "O singura viata, o singura moarte" written by Dorin Almasan. It was a "reward" from a teacher in 7th grade, but I never read it because the cover told me: " It's a romance novel... Sandra Brown type, I don't read these"
This weekend I started reading it... and you know what? It is not a romance novel. There are short stories, from the author's life lived in Cluj and he is University teacher here.
When I finish reading it I will post my favourite story. So it's true, you cannot judge a book after the front cover. Read it.
